So it's Wednesday 13 March 2019 and I'm at home.

Which wouldn't normally be an issue but it's nearly 11 so that means I should be in class.

This week has been hard. Which is the annoying thing because it really shouldn't be?

I mean I'm a bit ahead actually but it just feels like I'm drowning still and I can't stop it.

So even though BYU's pathetic excuse for a Spring break is literally two days away I need a break so I'm at home.

However, even though I'm allowed to do this because I've gone through the proper channels and gotten University Accommodation but I still just feel so incredibly guilty. I shouldn't but I do.

I'm so stressed that I'm literally making myself sick but I can't get a handle on it and I'm nervous. I think the biggest issue is just this inherent fear of failure that I have. I don't enjoy getting B's.

I have a 92% right now in one of my classes and I'm so stressed about it that sometimes it just makes me feel sick.

I want to graduate in December so badly but I'm questioning right now if that is the right choice.

I've been in college since I was sixteen years old (so six years) and I've never had a semester like this. Ever.

Is this what burn out feels like?

The past three days have been just so incredibly hard because I haven't been sleeping well. I'm so stressed I literally wake up in the middle of the night thinking about homework. This isn't healthy, I know, but I don't know how to get rid of it.

I mean a normal human being would say well so what I get straight B's. The thought of doing that terrifies me. I don't know how to fail and be okay with it.

And a B isn't even really failing. At all. It's still above average but for someone who wants's to go to grad school and hasn't gotten a single C I just can't do it.

I joke that school is my boyfriend because I spend so much time on assignments and doing things, trying to go the extra mile to get that A.

I'm just so scared of failing I feel like I'm paralyzed. The weight of all that I have to do is crushing me and I just can't find the motivation to do anything.

I'm seriously questioning my decision to graduate in December now. I don't know if mentally I can do it. I don't know if it would be healthy.