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| (This is the church building I went to on my mission) |
Sundays are cool. I think it's interesting that as soon as I wake up I can tell that it is indeed Sunday because it just has that different special feeling than any other day of the week. The biggest event of Sundays is definitely church. I struggle with church.
On my mission church was hard because when the panic attacks were hitting frequently they always tended to hit the hardest during church. Which can be incredibly confusing considering I'm at a holy place trying to listen to great talks and get more spiritual insight to tide me over until next Sunday. Now that I am home I still struggle.
I've missed a lot of great talks, not because I'm not there but again when I have panic attacks all ability to comprehend what people are saying literally flies out the window. It's interesting... However I've learned some ways to help myself. I've learned I do better if I do not attend Sunday School in the Relief Society room because I do a lot better if I have a change of scenery. I've learned that I do a lot better as well if I am sitting at the end of a pew instead of in the middle that way I don't feel like I'm being squished and have room to breathe. I've learned to maximize my time between meetings by walking a bit through the halls, sometimes I even go outside for just a minute or two. And those three things have really helped.
However I have also realized that it doesn't matter if I didn't get anything from a talk because I sadly couldn't even pay attention to if even if I wanted to. What matters is that I am there. Some days it seems a lot easier to say, "Forget it" and just not go. But I go anyways because I know that is where I am supposed to be. And sometimes it is hard to stay, (to see my post on when I almost when home from church click here) but I am bound and determined to because the little victories are what mean the most. And most times staying for all three hours of church is indeed a tiny victory! And I have also heard and been able to pay attention to a lot of great talks as well. Sometimes it is definitely touch and go, but other days are really good!
For those of you who also struggle with all three hours of church for one reason or another, I know staying can be hard. But I promise you that the blessings are extremely worth it! And they may not be immediate, or seen right away but I can promise you that those blessings will come! :)
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