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Decisions...Decisions

(shelbielouise photography) 
Life is full of choices, tons and tons of them every single day. Some are big and some are small. Right now in my life I have a lot of rather large choices to make. And I'm not going to lie, it's scary. It's not like when I was in high school and the path was easy, just move on to the next grade until you graduate. (for those of you still in high school, treasure that time!) I have a lot of big choices to make. And the biggest one of all right now is: so now what? What do I do next? I have played with the idea of serving a service mission. But even that has two big choices, do I serve a church service mission or a youth church service mission? It makes my head want to explodes sometimes just the amount of options I have, and in a way instead of feeling freed by all the choices I feel like I am trapped a little bit. I've been dealing with that feeling for a while now, I felt it on my mission too. When I was trying to decide if I should stay on a mission or if I should come home. The answer eluded me for what seemed like forever until I finally received an answer from my Heavenly Father on what I should do. And now I feel the exact same way as I did on my mission, I can't run back into the past the future is super duper cloudy so here I am in the present with really no idea what is next. However I am realizing is the usually the answer only comes through a trial of faith. Sometimes the answer is after a step in the dark down a certain path, and if it's the right choice our Heavenly Father will provide us with a lantern so we can see enough to do what we need to do. Right now I am stuck at a crossroads of sorts, I have the path behind me that got me here. And now I have so many paths in front of me. So many. And kind of the scary thing is in life there is usually never "one right answer", I struggle with confidence. A lot. I always worry about making the wrong choice and messing up my life, which I know is completely irrational but hey it's one of those things that keeps me up at night sometimes. I will make a choice eventually (oh I have a week pretty much to make this decision...), and it's going to take a lot of prayers and probably a lot of priesthood blessings to decide. But eventually it's all up to me, and if its the right choice Heavenly Father will let me know. I know this because he let me know as soon as I stepped on the airplane to come home that he was proud of my choice. It's going to be scary going into this new chapter of my life, but I can do it because my Heavenly Father is on my side forever and always. (Update! I have made a choice! I am excited to share that with all of you probably sometime next week. :) )
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Shelbie Drake

I am a college student at Brigham Young University trying to wade through this crazy thing we call life with my mental illness. I have decided to share my story of trying to deal with mental illness in the hopes that it may help others.

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