When I got to the mission field I met my trainer, and I was so incredibly excited to talk to anyone and everyone in site about the gospel. And I was right, the slight feelings of what I thought to be homesickness disappeared. I was thrilled to be a missionary, and tried to make every second count. 3 weeks into my first transfer (a transfer is normally six weeks) is when unusual things started happening. It didn't matter where we were or what we were doing, I was constantly on the verge of tears. I remember being so incredibly frustrated, because I was on a mission! I was serving where the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints was restored! So why was it that all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and cry all the time? I thought it was just homesickness again so I followed what Preach my Gospel said and worked harder than I ever had my whole mission and just tried to focus on the work as much as possible. To my surprise it just got worse, I remember pleading with the Lord, begging him to help me and just asking why this was happening when I was working so hard. I was to afraid to tell anyone so I just pretended all was well until one day I just couldn't do it anymore. That day was probably one of the darkest days of my mission, I couldn't really do anything but sleep. I didn't know it at the time,because I really had no way of recognizing, but now I know that I experienced my first panic attack that day. Terrifying is probably the best word that I can come up with to describe it. The days went by, each one felt slower than the last, until in shear desperation I requested to be transferred to a new area in hopes that I change of scenery would help things. And it did ! For a while anyways, figuring that all was well once again I jumped into the 
work once again. Trying my best to talk to everyone, and just be the best missionary I could be. Once again, half way through the transfer the long battle that I thought I had won returned. Confused, and completely caught of guard I contacted my mission president and requested some outside help because whatever I did it just would not go away. On June 13, 2016 I was diagnosed with General Anxiety Disorder and Depression. (To be Continued) To follow my blog and be notified of new posts click here. (to see part four click here.)
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